the muldoon guide to alton towers

• Dear Lord, go on a quiet day. You know: not during the summer holidays, not at a weekend. Book the day off work or something. Why on earth would you wait 120 minutes for one rollercoaster when you could come some other day and never wait longer than 10 minutes?
• As you've been sensible enough to come on a quiet day, you should then make the effort to queue longer to get in the front row seats on the big rides. I was surprised by how worth the wait it was. Picking a favourite ride is impossible, but the best experience of the day was being front row on Nemesis. Great stuff.
• It's cheaper out of season too. We paid £18 per person, instead of £34. Well worth it, really.
  
• Bring Sandwiches. I can happily report that I got through the entire day without buying one thing inside the park - food, souvenir or otherwise. That'll teach the capitalist heathens!

Also, can I take some the time to thank my dear friends in the 5th Avenue DJ booth for last night? Amongst others, they played these spot on choices of tracks:

• OPM - Heaven is a Half Pipe
• The Music - The Truth Is No Words
• Little Man Tate - Sexy in Latin
• Muse - Plug In Baby
• Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies)

Keep fighting the good fight, gents.

Also also: Somewhat preposterously my video didn't win the Radio 1 competition for Big Weekend tickets. Despite it being better than at least half the actual winners. It's a fix, I tell you.