So I assumed that there would probably be people expecting me to pass comment on tonight's Brit Awards ceremony. Here then, is my comment: Trousers!
Oh, you were expecting more? Witty dialogue and thought out prose, you say? Pffft, go on then I suppose...
I thought it was dull. What part of it will people be discussing tomorrow round the watercooler at work tomorrow? None I bet.
(incidentally - me not working in an office and all - do people actually congregate around watercoolers? Or is it a term ITV made up to sound like they've got their finger on the pulse or something?)
Where was the show-stopping mega-budget performances? Remember Kanye West's 387 Golden Girls last year? Or the £600,000 that was spent animating Gorillaz for a four minute performance of Clint Eastwood? Scissor Sisters were probably primed to fit such a bill, with that nice little people-dressed-in-black idea. Shame it worked better in theory then practice, the black minions were so visible on TV screens it ruined the effect.
Or the unique duets they used to put together... Robbie and Joss Stone nailing Angels. Justin Timberlake practically having on stage sex with Kylie...
Oh and memo to ITV: next time you decide to employ someone to mute the microphones during naughty words, can you make sure they're not an OCD suffer? I mean, what swear words really needed bleeping out at quarter to ten at night? Sections where nobody was even talking were even inexplicably muted.
I'm a fan of the Brit Awards, inflated searing sack of hot air that they admittedly are. They were always good for throwing up spectacular moments. Not necessarily of controversy, but just of real quality. Sort it out for next year please.