[Verse One]
It's half past eight on a Sunday morn
Driven thirty miles to my office in Eastbourne
Get there, switch twelve computers on
Speed dial ready, finger over the F five button
Clock strikes nine engaged tone on the line
Half hour gone, they’ll be sold out in no time
Then here texts dan, from his garden
He’s got tickets for himself always hated that man
Whilst catching a tan, screw my careful plan
Well I've shagged his girlfriend, couldn't give a damn, so
'nother hour in, finally your luck begin
Then you find out everybody else has had a win
Got 3 hours sleep for this, have you know
Could have slept 12 hours an' still be good to go
fall asleep at the wheel while i'm driving home
I got 99 problems ticket sales ain't one
Hit me
99 problems ticket sales ain't one
If there’s Glastonbury problems i'll feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems ticket sales ain't one
HIT ME
[Verse Two]
The year's '08 and last year was not great
In a tractor mirror, an apocalyptic state
Two choices have our men book the same folk again
Or grab the phone, dial sha' boy and ask when
he can come play, be it night or be it day
They'll give a few dollars, half what Radiohead they'd pay
Then he'll... come down rappin' bibblical text
That we'll only hear forward of the mixing desk
It'll rain again and no-one likes The Verve
Are these the real headliners? We've been SERVED.
Why they sellin' no tickets, should I guess some mo'?
"Well it it was rainin' lots last year, and the time before"
"Coldplay won't come, they play every year"
"Bono don't answer my calls" he said with a tear
No matter, I say, Jay-Z doesn't take the piss
I bet Noel Gallagher will say nice things about this.
"Everybody will love it, can't imagine any rage
Bouncing to 99 Problems down at the Pyramid Stage"
Whilst snacking on our seven pound chips-to-go
That got cold three hours back in a display window?
I don't work for Live Nation but I know a little bit, enough that Kings of Leon won't create a sales hit
I don't mind i'm still plannin' on havin' my fun
I got 99 problems ticket sales ain't one
Hit me
[CHORUS x2]
[Verse Three]
Let me say, it’s no fun following the beats
£40 just to get in the top tear seats
To watch some rap group you saw in ninety eight
For seven quid tops and that included your date
I’ll try and blag guestlist, plead for sympathy
Won’t work, two months back same guy fired me
You know the type, tied to the job role
Rather than help a brother fresh off the dole
Here’s the problem, I can barely afford lunch
All thanks to our friend the credit crunch
Land lords on my back, they’ve cut my hours at work
Haven’t paid off my credit card, my dad’ll go beserk
And on top of all of this there’s Glastonbury
But they’re a nice place, they’ll charge a reasonable fee.
No Seetickets hidden fees all up in my ass
Six pound fifty bookin' fee cos' i'm middle class
All because this fool was so desperate
Get hands on some tickets but do you know what?
This ain't my fight I’ll just dance and have fun
I got 99 problems ticket sales ain't one
Hit me
[CHORUS x3]
You're crazy for this one Eavis
It's your boy
